Associates, I’ve had alerts on for Jeff Bezos’ tweets for some time now, and after some consideration, I’m afraid I’ve to conclude that this man can not put up.
I’m, actually, discovering it tough to consider how unhealthy he’s at posting. It’s astonishing. If Elon Musk’s tweets are pure lizard-brain id, Bezos’ tweets are all superego — my man most likely workshops them, which is why they’re DOA, emotionally. Even one thing like this, which is (I feel) alleged to be free, completely fails by trendy Twitter requirements:
25 years in the past yesterday, AMZN went public. Because the Grateful Useless would say, “What a protracted, unusual journey it’s been.”
It’s been removed from easy. Plenty of risk-taking, a number of invention, a number of errors, a lot we nonetheless need to do higher. I wouldn’t commerce the experience for something.
— Jeff Bezos (@JeffBezos) Might 16, 2022
To begin with, that is a Deadhead sticker on a Cadillac. Second of all, it’s PR communicate and will even have been lawyered. It’s insincere (“removed from easy”?). And, worst of all, it’s not humorous.
You may surprise, why is Bezos doing this? And there’s like, a really apparent reply, which is that Elon Musk is on the middle of numerous conversations, and Jeff Bezos isn’t, and the way in which that Musk has positioned himself on the middle of these conversations is by tweeting. Bezos has undoubtedly noticed this. However he hasn’t actually understood how Musk does it.
Musk is a Poster for positive. Annoying, obnoxious, late to memes — however undoubtedly a Poster. He makes use of Twitter as meant: as a direct line to his id. Has he deliberate to observe up on any of the stuff he tweets? Incessantly, no. And that’s what makes him so entertaining. Right here’s him responding to the CEO of Twitter, an organization he’s at the least theoretically making an attempt to amass:
Musk engages in name-calling, generally so intensely that he winds up with defamation lawsuits on his fingers. He’s largely stopped posting about his Ambien use, however I haven’t forgotten the tweets.
Slightly purple wine, classic file, some Ambien … and magic!
— Elon Musk (@elonmusk) June 7, 2017
Shit, one time Musk introduced he was taking Tesla personal on Twitter, typically to the shock of Tesla, Tesla’s buyers, and the SEC.
And right here, by comparability, is Bezos:
Agree 100%. Would add: Civility is tough. Title calling and advert hominem assaults are straightforward and whenever you use them it makes it tougher to work collectively. https://t.co/6lqQJHm5vk
— Jeff Bezos (@JeffBezos) Might 12, 2022
I can not consider I’m about to clarify Twitter, however for these of you who aren’t on the social media platform fondly known as “the hellsite” by its most dedicated customers: the dumbest customers and the neatest customers put up the very same approach. Sentence fragments, inconsistent punctuation, half-baked concepts, and a robust propensity for trolling are all among the many energy customers’ most constant traits.
Trolling is essential, truly. See, one in all Twitter’s main engagement mechanisms is the quote-tweet dunk, the place you put up another person’s tweet to make enjoyable of it. Which means that Twitter closely incentivizes unhealthy conduct. Positive, a very good personal will drive engagement, however so will an clearly silly take that gives different customers with a gap to dunk, thus spreading your authentic tweet additional. There isn’t any incentive to be cheap. I’m going to say it once more, as a result of it is a basic regulation of Twitter: there is no such thing as a incentive to be cheap.
This isn’t an age factor, both. One of many truest Posters I’ve ever encountered on Twitter is Joyce Carol Oates, age 83, and I’m not going to embed her ft pic put up — it’s gross — but it surely’s a masterpiece of the shape and a part of the rationale we’re all on Twitter within the first place. This put up about climbing in sandals drove discourse for per week! And that is to say nothing of the time she tweeted about Jurassic Park or puzzled if we did, certainly, have at hand it to ISIS. Absolute legend, this lady.
The explanation Bezos’ tweets appear so mealy-mouthed, even weird, is that he’s making an attempt desperately to be taken severely on a platform that doesn’t reward being taken severely. Twitter is for trolling your solution to a presidency or to being the CEO of Twitter. It’s for pretending you assume dinosaurs are an endangered species, watching some llamas get free, or in any other case coping with essentially the most instinctive and primal discourse on the web.
Now that we’ve established how you can Publish, let’s study some Bezos tweets. Take this:
The newly created Disinformation Board ought to evaluate this tweet, or perhaps they should kind a brand new Non Sequitur Board as a substitute. Elevating corp taxes is ok to debate. Taming inflation is crucial to debate. Mushing them collectively is simply misdirection. https://t.co/ye4XiNNc2v
— Jeff Bezos (@JeffBezos) Might 14, 2022
This can be a Fb-ass Tweet. What’s even occurring right here? This isn’t enjoyable sufficient to be a dunk. It’s definitely not trolling. What might probably be the purpose? Twitter has existed for the reason that 12 months of our lord 2006, and over the course of the final 15 years of its existence, each consumer has found the exhausting approach that it’s truly inconceivable to have a substantive dialog on the platform.
That is an try at thinkfluencing, being an concepts man. Besides nobody respects concepts guys on Twitter. Even the VCs have found out shitposting higher than this. Keep in mind how happy with their little form rotator meme all of them had been?
The try at thinkfluencing does truly worsen. Like, examine this out:
In truth, the administration tried exhausting to inject much more stimulus into an already over-heated, inflationary financial system and solely Manchin saved them from themselves. Inflation is a regressive tax that the majority hurts the least prosperous. Misdirection doesn’t assist the nation. https://t.co/a8cygcunEG
— Jeff Bezos (@JeffBezos) Might 15, 2022
I’m not positive the way you handle to construct one of many firms that’s the spine of the web with out creating some sort of internet-related situational consciousness. And earlier than Bezos began tweeting, I assumed he did perceive the web. Like, take this absolute banger of a weblog put up: “No thanks, Mr. Pecker.” It’s dry and witty; it understands what blogs are for, plus it’s stuffed with dick jokes. It’s the strongest doable response to somebody making an attempt to blackmail you with nudes.
And now, I’m satisfied it was ghost-written by a PR professional. (Electronic mail me if it’s you!) As a result of there’s no approach that the one who understood the web properly sufficient to provide that is additionally making an attempt to put up severe coverage takes on Twitter.
Bezos’ obsession with the Biden administration is like, a pleasant approach of exhibiting the issue. See, it was once that responding to a Trump tweet was a good way to juice engagement, inserting your self right into a dialog. The Biden administration’s fundamental technique is to impersonate a bunch of graduates of the Milford Faculty. Attempting to make use of the Biden administration as a flywheel to get engagement ends in stuff like this:
Look, a squirrel! That is the White Home’s assertion about my current tweets. They understandably wish to muddy the subject. They know inflation hurts the neediest essentially the most. However unions aren’t inflicting inflation and neither are rich individuals. Keep in mind the Administration tried… pic.twitter.com/GaMb3Kiu72
— Jeff Bezos (@JeffBezos) Might 16, 2022
“Look, a squirrel!” My God. Adam Aron didn’t go pantsless throughout a YouTube interview for “a squirrel!” to be the expression of “it’s a distraction.” Virality, memes, and nonsense at the moment are essential for enterprise functions. Why else did AMC survive the pandemic? In case you are a enterprise chief, entertaining individuals is severe.
However Bezos both doesn’t know this or doesn’t care. Right here’s him getting spicy:
Slide decks disguise can shallow pondering. Narratively structured memos are tougher to put in writing as a result of they require higher pondering. It’s value it. https://t.co/vIUX5I8QPl
— Jeff Bezos (@JeffBezos) Might 13, 2022
I don’t know, perhaps it is a hit on the McKinsey nook of Twitter, however this isn’t going to get you Musk-level consideration. Bezos is, for some purpose, writing for consultants, professionals, and managers. Restricted viewers. Which might be why Bezos’ tweets aren’t getting the sort of traction that Musk’s do — sort of like how Blue Origin isn’t as profitable as SpaceX.
Jeff, my man, perhaps attempt tweeting from the bathroom subsequent time.